Where can you draw the line between harmless gambling to problem gambling? How can you tell if you or your friend are compulsive gamblers? Here you can find answers to these questions and other questions regarding problem gambling and gambling addiction.

What is the Meaning of Problem Gambling?
Problem gambling or compulsive gambling is defined as an uncontrollable urge to gamble despite the destructive effect of gambling on the gamblers life and despite feelings of guilt and remorse. Problem gambling tends to have a negative effect on the gamblers financial state, relationships and daily life. Severe cases of problem gambling can be defined as pathological gambling.

Am I a Compulsive Gambler?
1) Do you gamble until your last penny runs out?
2) Do you gamble to win back your former losses or debts?
3) Did you ever had to borrow money to continue gamble?
4) Did your gambling habit ever made you lie to your friends or family?
5) Did you ever skip work or other obligation to gamble?
6) Do you tend to gamble to forget about your personal problems or to celebrate happy occasions?
7) Does gambling have a negative affect on your daily life or relationships?

If you have answered yes on at least one of the questions listed above, then you have a problem.

Can Anyone Become a Compulsive Gambler?
Theoretically, yes. Any gambler can develop gambling problem regardless to the type of gambling he is occupied with, the amount of money and time he is spending on gambling. Researches show that slot machines that can be found in bars and convenient stores are the most addictive type of gambling activity, while lottery draws and bingo games are located on the other end of the scale. Gambling addiction is an emotional problem; its symptoms, causes and treatments are similar to any other form of addiction.

How Can I treat Gambling Addiction?
1) Group Therapy:
Gamblers Anonymous offers a 12 step self help program similar to the one offered to alcohol addicts in Alcoholics Anonymous.  Group therapy also offers gambling addicts advice and support from professional counselors and other gambling addicts in different phases of their recovery process. Gambler Anonymous centers are available in more than 1,200 locations statewide.

2) Individual Therapy:
Cognitive or behavior therapy can help gambling addicts to identify their unaware thinking and acting patterns, which led them to gamble compulsively, and to replace them with controllable and healthier ways of thinking.

3) Psychiatric Medication:
It has recently been proven that antidepressant medications from the family of SSRIs, selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors can be affective in treatment of gambling addicts.

PS. Addictions can be anything. If it affects your liver (health), lover (relationships), lawyer (creates legal problems), livlihood (work performance/risk), and leisure (eg, too hung over to go for a bike ride with your son/partner), then you have a problem. If you are a guy, then you will most likely want to ‘handle’ it yourself…and this may work to a point, for many years with a ‘hit or miss’ success rate. If you or your family/friends can’t help, then it’s time to honestly admit that you need to get help from a professional. This is the hardest thing to acknowledge to yourself. It takes guts to admit you have a problem that needs help and whilst many will ‘mentally’ arrive at this point, many will not take the next step…which is actually taking action and following through with this realization.

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P.P.S: If you’re ready to take action, then you may be interested in: ‘Stop Gambling’. This is one of the few resources available to download and will assist you in getting rid of your gambling addiction in 7 days, so that you can move towards a better lifestyle. If you’re not ready for face-to-face counseling yet, then at the very least, you could start reading about what you need to put into practice to gain control over an addiction, which is ultimately controllng you.

Good ‘luck’.

Alan

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There is an old joke about people who talk a lot: “Do you know the 12-Step program for people who talk a lot? On and On Anon!”

The joke recognizes that fact that incessant talking is a common addiction.

Non-stop talking is about using others for attention and approval because of not giving oneself enough attention and approval. The talker is not actually offering anything to the listener. Instead, the talker, in going on and on with a monologue, is pulling energy from the listener. People who end up listening to a talker go on and on are often caretakers who are afraid to hurt the talker by disengaging or by telling the truth about their boredom.

Talkers are often needy people who attempt to assuage their emptiness by trapping people into listening to them. For example, I’ve seen people telling a bank teller their life story, while the trapped teller doesn’t know how to disengage without being impolite. The problem is that one of the reasons these people are without friends is that no one wants to be with them. It’s draining to be at the other end of a needy person who uses talking as a way to fill up.

If you are addicted to talking, perhaps you believe that you are being interesting when you go on and on about yourself. However, you might reconsider the truth of this belief if you find that many people avoid you. Most people will not tell you the truth – that they feel tired, drained and trapped in your presence, and bored by your talking. Not wanting to offend you, they just stay away rather speak their truth. They don’t answer the phone when they know it’s you, and they find any excuse to not spend time with you. It’s not that they don’t like you – it’s that they don’t want to be used by you to fill up your emptiness.

HEALING YOUR ADDICTION TO TALKING

Imagine that you have a child within you – your feeling self – who feels very alone. This child feels alone because you are not paying attention to him or her. Every time you trap someone into listening to you, it is as if you are handing this inner child away for adoption. You want someone else to attend to and approve of this child instead of you accepting this responsibility.

The very fact of doing this is an inner abandonment and is creating the aloneness that is at the heart of all addictions. By expecting others to listen to you when you don’t listen to yourself, you are giving the child within a message that he or she is not important to you. When you do not take the time to attend to your own feelings and needs, you are creating inner neediness and emptiness. This inner emptiness is like a vacuum that attempts to suck caring from others. Yet no matter how often others do listen to you, it never really fills you. This is because only you can give your own inner child what he or she needs.

If you were to take some time each day to have a dialogue, either out loud or in writing, with the part of you who so needs to be heard, you would discover that you can fill your own emptiness. In addition, if you practice imagining a loving spiritual presence holding you, loving you, listening to you and guiding you, you will no longer feel alone.

As long as you believe that it is someone else’s job to fill you, you will not take the time to learn how to fill yourself. As long as you believe that it is okay to trap others and use them to fill yourself, you will continue your talking addiction. Only when you get that it is not loving to yourself or others to expect them to take care of your own inner child – your own feelings and needs – will you start to take on that responsibility.

While you might not believe that you can fill yourself better than others can, you will not know until you try. My personal experience is that when my intention is to take loving care of myself and to fill myself with the Love that is God, I feel happy and peaceful. When you choose to take responsibility for meeting your own needs instead of abandoning yourself to others, you will never feel alone.

All the best

Alan

PS. It takes time to learn how to share a dialogue. A shared conversation is a unique balance to those personalities involved in the communication. Sometimes, a friend’s needs tip the balance their way, because they may have an important issue going on in their life. Knowing this will help you put your needs on hold for a while, because somewhere down the line, you too may need the conversation balance tipped to your favour. However, if this imbalance continues, then your friend is not recognising your needs and you may end up feeling resentment. There’s no easy way out of this…talking to your friend may help them become aware of this; however, I believe this is a self-development issue and your friend may not yet be ready and/or capable of being able to give the relationship this…you may need to seek other relationships.

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…and so on and so on.

Are you aware of your self-judgments? Are you aware of how often you judge yourself as bad, wrong, or inadequate? Are you aware of how you end up feeling as a result of your self-judgments?

In my counselling work with people, I find that self-judgment is one of the major causes of fear, anger, anxiety and depression. Yet most people don’t realize that these painful feelings are the result of their own thoughts, their own self-judgments. Most of the time, when I ask an anxious client why they are feeling anxious, they tell me that it’s because of something that happened to them. They usually believe that an event or a person caused their anxiety. Yet when I ask them what they are thinking that might be causing their anxiety, they will tell me a self-judgment such as, “I’ll never get this right,” or they are projecting their own judgment onto me and telling themselves, “Margaret doesn’t like me,” or “Margaret is getting impatient with me.” When they judge themselves or make up that I’m judging them, they get anxious. There is nothing actually happening that is causing their anxiety, other than their own thoughts.

Pointing out to them that they are causing their anxiety with their self-judgment doesn’t not necessarily stop the judgment. This is because self-judgment is often an addiction. An addiction is a habitual behavior that is intended to protect against pain. What is the pain that self-judgment is intended to protect against?

Generally, the hope of self-judgment is to protect against rejection and failure. The false beliefs are that, “If I judge myself, then others won’t judge me and reject me. I can be safe from others’ judgment by judging myself first,” or “If I judge myself, I can motivate myself to do things right and succeed. Then I will feel safe and be loved and accepted by others.”

However, just as a child does far better in school with encouragement than with criticism, so do we as adults. Criticism tends to scare and immobilize us. Instead of motivating us, it often creates so much anxiety that we get frozen and become unable to take appropriate action for ourselves. More self-judgment follows the lack of action, which results in more anxiety and immobilization, until we create a situation where we are completely stuck and miserable.

The way out of this is to become aware of the feelings of fear, anxiety, anger or depression and then ask yourself, “What did I just tell myself that is creating this feeling?” Once you become aware of the self-judgment, you can then ask yourself, “Am I certain that what I am telling myself is true?” If you are not 100% certain that what you are telling yourself is true, you can ask your higher, wise self or a spiritual source of wisdom, “What is the truth?” If you are really open to learning about the truth, the truth will pop into your mind, and it will be much different than what you have been telling yourself.

For example, “I’m such a jerk. How could I have said that?” becomes “We all mess up at times. It’s okay to make mistakes – it’s part of being human. Making a mistake does not mean that you are a jerk.” When we open to the truth, we will discover a kind and compassionate way of speaking to ourselves, a way that makes us feel loved and safe rather than anxious, angry or depressed.

Addictions are always challenging to resolve, and an addiction to self-judgment is no exception. So be easy on yourself, and don’t judge yourself for judging yourself! It will take time and dedication to become aware of your self-judgments and learn to be kind toward yourself, but the end result is so worth the effort!

Alan

PS. This can be challenging to get-up-and-running. We think a thousand thoughts  each day, many of which are a result of a lifetime of automatic thinking. It takes time and diligence to challenge are ‘inner critic’. The most vital step is ‘catching’ our thoughts. This is where self-awareness plays a part. We might not have the time to do this on the fly as we go about our daily work. However, if we can just jot a few of these thoughts down throughout the day, then we ‘make’ some time, we can then practice writing some responses that challenge this inner critic’s voice.

Yes, it takes work and committment, and many won’t be bothered. If you have grown up with criticism, then you will more than likely have internalised it. I grew up with a lot of this type of commentary and even though I’m an educator and counsellor, I still need to watch my thoughts like a hawk, each day. I’ve done the above self-work and it has really helped me. The one thing I do each night before I fall asleep, is to get clear about what I want in my like, reinforce my strength, wholeness and perfectness – not the same as needing to be perfect – and encourage myself to celebrate what I now have in my life. This ‘meditation’ travels with me the next day and becomes stronger over time. Try it consistently for 30 days, and you’ll notice a real difference in your approach to life.

Do you struggle with this? Tell me what your experience with self-judgement has been like.

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So what are you addicted to? I smoke – and I run this ‘health blog’. I watch too much television – I love my Sci-Fi, he said, justifying the reason, but ignoring the poor performance the next day from lack of sleep. So what are you addicted to?

Addictions come in many shapes and forms; from the more arguably benign chocolate cravings, to the more deadly sm/crack addictions. How do we know we’re addicted to anything? At what point do we notice that we have a problem, which needs either help or changing? Are we able at this point to be ‘in control’ enough to take independent action? Would we care? Has life caused us so much pain, our self-destructive part is now captain of our inner worlds and directing our path to annihilation?

A deadly metaphor I know, but unfortunately for many people, a sad fact. In these postings, I’d like to explore the nature of addictions and offer some self-improvement solutions and resources, and open up the topic to whomever wants to share and/or comment…to start with, a brief history of drug testing: the pros and cons.

DRUG TESTING

Drug testing is a big business. With at least fifteen large U.S. corporations supplying laboratory testing, employees and others are only a few minutes’ drive from a testing facility.  From employers who use drug testing as a pre-employment screening tool to parents who want to keep tabs on the well being of their teenagers, there are many groups that frequently use drug testing as a screening mechanism.  

Since the mid-1980’s, drug testing has become more and more common. Probably the group that is tested most often is prospective employees. With strict workplace safety legislation and the fact that employees can use dangerous equipment or have access to sensitive information, employers want to be certain that their employees are not drug abusers. With a sample of urine, hair, blood or swab from the mouth, drug-testing laboratories can often product positive or negative results within 24 to 48 hours.

Recently, drug abuse testing has become increasingly common in professional athletics. With the controversies surrounding the use of steroids and other performance-enhancing drugs, athletes are under a great deal of scrutiny.  The government has also stepped in, and has begun to implement stricter controls and more frequent screening of athletes. A positive result on a drug test can result in penalties such as fines, loss of game time, or complete dismissal from the team. It is safe to say that drug-abusing athletes are taking huge risks with their careers by abusing performance or other illegal drugs.

Opponents of drug testing argue that it violates a person’s rights to privacy. They hold that even if an employee is a recreational drug user, it does not necessarily follow that his or her work will be affected.  With random drug testing gaining popularity in the workforce, one may literally be drawn out of a hat as the next one up for a drug screening. While states only loosely enforce drug-testing laws, opponents say that random drug testing can ruin a person’s life.  Even recreational weekend usage may result in the loss of employment if the drug usage is determined with a drug test. Random drug testing is often argued to be testing without any probable cause.

 Alan

PS. So what are you addicted to? Are you for or against random drug testing?

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